Backhanded compliment

[Family is gathered around t.v. watching a relative's dance recital]
Dancer’s Aunt:[to dancer] See, even a skinny girl like you looks heavy on video.
Dancer: … thanks?
-Living room

Isn’t that illegal?

[Girl A and Girl B are looking at Girl A's senior project, on Mardi Gras. There once was a king cake on a plate in front of the board, but it is long gone.]

Girl B: What’s this? [Picks up small plastic baby]

Girl A: Oh, they bake that into the cake.

Girl B: What?

Girl A: Tradition.

- Media Center

EOC Review

[Student is giving the class answers to a review packet while the teacher is out of the room.]
Student:  Alright, guys.  Number 26 is A, for Asshole.

Student:  27 is B, for balls.

Student:  28 is D… for dick.

Student:  29 is C… for cunt.

Student:  30 is B.

Student in the Audience:  B for what?

Student:  I don’t know.. Big, hairy–

[teacher returns]

-US History

I’d like to see that.

Guy:[to teacher] If I get a C in this class I’m going to throw this desk out the window!

Sit-uation

Guy: [to teacher] You might as well just pop a squat over here beside my desk because I don’t understand any of this work, I need your help.
-French 3

Sounds like a hit to me.

Girl: I’ve got like 8 pens in my purse, and only 1 pencil.
Teacher: Hm, sounds like the title of a country song. [starts singing in a twangy voice] ‘I’ve got 8 pens and just 1 pencil…’
-AP pysch

That’s not scary at all

Guy: [Dead serious] I want it to snow so bad. I am going to do a snow dance Sunday night.
-French class

It’s game time.

Dad: You can stay on your computer but, after the football game is over I will need to get on your computer.
Daughter: I hope the game goes into overtime then.
-Living room