One isn’t enough for you???

Teacher: No one is allowed to go to the bathroom in this class anymore.
Guy: Why not?
Teacher: Well… last semester there was a girl found in the guy’s restroom.
Girl: Ew, the boy’s bathroom?
Teacher: Apparently she was rotating through three boys and one of my students walked in on it.
[class bursts into laughter]
-high school

Airhead

Girl: Man, I hate that teacher, he called me dumb!
Guy: Well, was he mistaken?
[Girl gives Guy mean look]
-Homeroom, First day of school.

Deutschland

Teacher:  When these Germans first came to America, they said they came from Deutschland.  We stupid Americans then said, “Oh, you’re Dutch!”
[pause]
Student: Wait, what did you say about Doucheland?
-World history

Problem Solving

Girl:  EW, my phone smells really bad!  [pause]  I’ll just hold the mouthpiece far away from my nose.
-Over the phone

Pissing like a race horse

[Girl 1 talking to Girl 2]
Girl 1: I’m going to pee.
Girl 2: Alrighty.
[Goes to restroom and returns shortly]
Girl 1: I’m back.
Girl 2: Woah, you pee really fast.
Girl 1: Aw, thanks.
Girl 2: You’re welcome. When I pee, I sit on the toilet for a long time and think…
-Over the phone.

Another way to ask for a kiss

Guy:  [to his girlfriend] Give me some mouth sex.

All buzzed up

[Guy talking to Girl]
Guy: I went to get my hair cut the other day. I just wanted it trimmed, but the lady got carried away and started snipping off a lot. She looked like she was having fun so i didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop.
-Friend’s house

They Start Young These Days

[A song is playing on a computer.]
12-year-old Boy:  [rotating his hips and grinning] This music turns me on!

“I’m good, thanks”

[Guy sitting, holding his Girlfriend on his lap]
Guy’s Dad: [To Girlfriend] I can get you a chair of your own if you’d like…

Too sexy for your shirt?

[Old Woman is getting her hair cut while chatting with the hairdresser]
Old Woman: I think i look good. Sometimes i wish i could drop a pound or two though.
Hairdresser: I understand.
Old Woman: Yes, somedays i would just love to take off all my clothes, so that everyone could see how good i look for my age.
Hairdresser: [Laughing]
Old Woman: But, I’d only do that if i was in a room full of ladies.
- Hair Salon